So much has been going on around here. Not so much in a physical sense, or even in our immediate family, but spiritually speaking there seems to be much heaviness. This may sound a bit strange, but I feel like God has opened my eyes to really seeing very clearly some spiritual battles going on around me particularly in my church family, and my heart is heavy with all the real suffering that is going on. Our church is like our family, so I've been heavy in prayer and just asking God some questions to glean some wisdom on why He's allowing me to "see" these things. Of course, this also comes in the midst of our upcoming move, and all that that entails. This being our first home as a family, it's starting to feel real that we are moving on to a different place and leaving this one behind. Even now I am getting teary eyed just thinking about it...
So, given that my physical feelings and emotions are screaming out in complete opposition to the truth I know and am trying hard to speak to my weary soul right now, I've been struggling. And so in this "place", I sit to write my thoughts down...work them out in words.
First off, I had a kitchen sink moment tonight…I feel like God always speaks to me in my mundane things, like washing dishes, but that’s kinda exactly what he was speaking to me about….
I’ve been feeling something for a long time now. The sense of a greater purpose, but not quite recognizing exactly what it looks like. I’ve always thought I have a ways to go, thinking to myself, when will it be my time to really get to show you off, Lord? I’m struggling, WE are struggling in many areas of life right now…all the things mentioned above, plus finances, time management, an almost 3 year old who needs a balance of love and discipline, etc….I don’t have it together...It’s the striving to become, the constant doing, changing, moving this way a little or shifting around...I long to be what He wants me to become…but fleeting are the dreams...
Having a beautiful voice like this
Ministering to thousands, like her
Or writing a book that touched lives, like this one
And writing and teaching bible studies like her
But this kind of life gets exhausting...I am growing weary...it leaves me thinking when will I get to where God wants me...when will I break free from where I am at now? I know others have thought the same thing. We desire more…there’s got to be more than this, right? Can we just catch a break? Where is the light at the end of the tunnel? But, what if we are already in the light? What if we are believing the lie that this couldn’t possibly be the light, so we keep our eyes SHUT…and accept it as darkness?
I’ll admit, I’ve been doing that.
For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.
What God stirred up in my spirit tonight, while standing over my kitchen sink doing dishes, was an awakening. There are so many people around me going through what our world would label terrible, terrifying, awful realities…but what does it look like to God? What does this place we desire to move out of, look to the one that matters most?
It is joy…
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4
It is Glory…
"All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God." 2 Corinthians 4:15
It is purposed…
“We sent Timothy, who is our brother and co-worker in God’s service in spreading the gospel of Christ, to strengthen and encourage you in your faith, so that no one would be unsettled by these trials. For you know quite well that we are destined for them.” 1 Thessalonians 3:2-3
It is good…
“for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.” Philippians 2:13
I kept thinking how little I am impacting for His kingdom…how much more I should be “doing”…how much I just keep praying in these trials…this too, shall pass…
Thinking as if world standards were also the measuring tool for God’s kingdom…but it's not...
What if God’s love for a thousand is equal to his love for ONE? The Cross…
What if reaching millions is equal to reaching across your own dinner table...an invitation
What if your “terrible awful” ministers to only one but equals thousands coming to know Christ…our child
What if God is the only one who sees you? What if God is the only one who hears your cry…
or your prayers?...this loneliness
What if you believed God has you right where He wants you to be….washing dishes...fully listening to the one who matters most.
What if God’s only desire is to be loved by YOU. That’s it. Nothing more. Just YOUR love. Would that be enough for Him? Is He enough for you? What if your pain or heartache keeps you turned toward Him…toward LOVE…is it worth it? What He requires of us is far less than we make it out to be sometimes. But worth more than any precious jewel on earth.
“He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8
Can I trust that His love is enough…and that I am where I am because He first LOVED me?
“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” 1 Peter 5:10
The trials, the mundane, the doing to become….I lay it down….with a thankful heart, I choose to bow the knee and give God the glory…and praise Him. Grateful He loves me on my kitchen floor.
Better is one day in your courts, Lord, than thousands elsewhere.