This song was playing the other night in the car while I was driving home from bible study...
I suddenly found myself weeping. Finally, after a crazy past year, a sense of peace so profound came over me that I couldn't help but shed tears. Praises poured off my lips, as I wept and thanked God for bringing us through everything we have been through and thanking Him for being the one to carry us through whatever will be in our future.
As the tears kept flowing, God revealed a "battlefield" illustration to me that helped me think about what we go through in our trials. I thought about the battles we had partaken in, and I thought about what our role is now that the battle is temporarily at pause, at rest. However, I also wept for those warriors I know awaiting their battles, and those precious fighters on the battlefields at this very moment. I thought about how many are returning home with a victory and how many have returned home changed forever. My heart is heavy and tender for them.
Some of you may know that before Liam was born (or even conceived for that matter) I had the sense that God was preparing me, "equipping" me, for some unknown trial. I had the sense it would be bigger than anything He had ever walked with me through and that I needed to trust Him. I enjoyed that "preparation" time with the Lord, learning new truths about Him, His character, His love. I craved sitting at His feet. It was safe. It was peaceful. I finally came to my own conclusion that something was going to happen to ME. That I would be the one to suffer. Little did I know, it was even bigger than that, as it came as suffering in my own child. I can honestly say when I realized this was the "something" He had been priming me for, I was angry. Why not ME Lord? How could you place this kind of suffering and pain on my innocent child? I had no idea the battle he was preparing for me to fight.
Looking back I realize that He chose Liam so there would be no doubt He has carried us. Not me, not Dustin, no one else but Him. He lead us into every battle and fought alongside us, for us and beyond us. I believe He also chose this to take my focus off of myself. It's not about me, it's about Him and through Liam, He revealed many things to me about Himself. Focusing on Liam forced me to focus on God.
You need a time of rest, to be renewed and strengthened. A time to grow more of My promises in your heart so that you will be well-equipped for the next battle, the Lord spoke to me. I feel like I am definitely in that season of my life right now, and honestly I've really missed it. Although His words to me indicate another battle is always imminent, His presence is always there to overcome.
"As for God, his way is perfect: The LORD’s word is flawless;
he shields all who take refuge in him. For who is God besides the LORD?
And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength
and keeps my way secure. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he causes me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You make your saving help my shield,
and your right hand sustains me; your help has made me great" Psalm 18:30-35
Please be in prayer for the following little heart warriors:
Andrew - Surgery on March 10
Aly Jean - Surgery on March 16
Joshua - Surgery first of March
Bowen - Recovering from surgery.