I have so many things I want to say in this post....I just learned a precious CHD warrior, Baby Ewan, lost his fight and went to be with Jesus. I am deeply saddened and grieving for this sweet family...it is just too close to home for me. On the eve of our "one year ago today" day, I find this news hard to take. The Lord has been speaking to me the last few days about mercy...that word keeps pouring over in my head....mercy, Lord, mercy. It is not sitting well with me yet, the Lord has a lot more speaking to do. Why is mercy so quick to come to some, yet so hard to find for others? Why is it so....UNFAIR? I know I need to dig deeper, get into His word for this one....He is drawing me near again.
There are so many people surrounding me that are walking journeys I could never imagine being on...the pain, the hurt, sadness and grief are unending for them....my heart breaks over and over with them, wondering, God where is your mercy? I am hopeful and praying that the Lord is speaking to these people in ways only He could, so that they will hear Him and find peace.
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I remember God's mercies for us...coming new each morning, just like He said...and on our journey with Liam, I have clung to that scripture more so than any other. So why am I questioning it now? I think because I'm longing to see those same mercies in other journeys...It seems so easy to me....Look, Lord, what you did in our journey is what THEY need! Can't you see?? Do it again Lord! But yet, silence falls and those mercies I know and recognize are no where to be found....but child, He says to me, hear what I said again....MY mercies are NEW every morning....yes, Lord.
One year ago today was the eve of Liam's first heart surgery, a mere 5 days after his birth. I remember clearly the night before, lingering at Liam's bedside, not wanting to go home to rest, in fear I may not see him the next night....yet my arms were aching and longing for the morning when they promised me I could hold him for the first time....hoping and praying it wouldn't also be my last.
Surgery day came too quickly. Dustin and I made our way back down to the hospital at 4:30 am, the morning of October 5, 2009. We wanted to arrive early to have a good couple hours to cuddle, hold and pray over Liam before he went in. That was a sweet, precious time and memory I will always cherish....the quiet of the hospital, the soft dark of the room letting us escape the reality we had yet to face, the three loves of my life, all together in one room, Dustin, Liam and my sweet Jesus. Lord, please have mercy on us...show us your faithfulness again...bring him back to us.
And after a few hours and a lot of prayers, the Lord brought Liam back to us, with a temporary fix to his sweet little heart. With a few small bumps along the way, we were discharged from the hospital 18 days later, 10/23/2009 - my original due date.
We have never stopped knowing and believing that Liam is our miracle. Each and everyday cherished, for we know what could have been. We have been blessed beyond measure and deeply humbled and honored to be walking this road with Him, our Creator, our Father, our Savior.
Great is thy faithfulness....